During this season of giving, my spiritual director, Jean, wants me to begin receiving. Come to find out, receiving is very difficult for me. Who knew? Oh, I have no problem accepting presents on Christmas or my birthday – in fact, I love ’em! But really taking in the “gift” of the present or the gifts that come to me every day of my life is another story. I’m not talking about gratitude. I am very grateful for the incredible gifts I have been given – a strong, healthy, pain-free body; a beautiful, peaceful home; loving, loyal and supportive family and friends; and so much more. But I now see that it’s entirely possible to be grateful for something without receiving it. (“No, thank you.”)
This entire no-job adventure is an amazing gift! I have time, space, and thankfully, a bit of financial breathing room, to rest and explore what I want to do next. Do I realize that? Yes. Am I grateful for it, even if it’s a little scary? You bet. But am I actually receiving it, taking it into myself, fully experiencing it? Not so much. I’ve been so busy trying to use this time wisely and “do the work” that I don’t think I’ve really internalized the gift or gifts involved.
I have a set of Angel Cards. Each card has a picture of an angel on it and a word like “Beauty”, “Truth”, “Courage”, “Enthusiasm”. Every morning I pick one of those cards and ask the Angels (or The Spooks*, God, my Higher Self) for that gift. But as Jean pointed out, that has been the end of it. I haven’t been “receiving” the gifts even if they are given to me many times and in many forms throughout the day.
So now I’m trying to keep the Angel Card in mind during the day, and recognize and receive that gift in whatever form it takes. And before I go to bed at night, I’m reflecting on all the gifts that have come to me during the day and really trying to receive them. I’m still not sure how to do that. How to go from recognition of a gift and gratitude for it, to actually taking it in. But “Understanding” is one of the Angel Cards in the deck, so I imagine that gift will come in time.
*When I refer to “The Spooks”, as regular readers will know, I’m talking about the source of guidance I often receive that seems to me to be an external group consciousness. (Don’t worry. I don’t actually hear voices in my head, so there’s no need to suggest I start taking anti-psychotic medication!) And when I talk about angels, blessings, etc., I’m not referring to any particular belief system nor am I attached to any particular “divinity construct”. God or The Universe or the Higher Self or the subconscious mind – I really have no idea how it all works. But I don’t like getting tangled up in terminology, so substitute whatever words work for you.