As I mentioned last time, I’m using my Angel Cards to help me recognize and receive the gifts that come to me every day. And as predicted last time, I have recently received the gift of Understanding. I think now I understand why it’s been so difficult for me to receive – really receive – the gifts that I’m given. In order to truly receive a gift, I first have to acknowledge that I need something. (Well, duh!) But that’s not easy for me to do. I have very little patience with “needy” people and I don’t want to be one. I rarely ask for help. I pay my own bills, pump my own gas and enjoy my own company. I take great pride in my independence and in my ability to take care of myself. But maybe that pride is actually a kind of hubris. An unwillingness to admit that, like every other soul on this planet, I really do need help – maybe not to survive, but to really thrive.
Just in this past week a dear friend invited me into her home and fed me homemade soup. Three other friends, who are experts in the field, spent hours helping me understand the complexities of choosing and applying for individual health insurance for the first time. Other friends have offered career advice, support and encouragement. I recognized all of those things as gifts at the times they were given. I was very thankful and expressed gratitude for all of them. But what I am just now ready to admit is that I needed them. And I needed the love that was behind all of them.
So now, in my new bedtime ritual, when I think back on all of the gifts I’ve been given throughout the day, I’m also taking time to reflect on and to humbly acknowledge the need that each gift fulfilled. And to”the Angels” who gave me this gift of Understanding: “Thanks. I needed that!”